Home.

The obvious that comes to mind when someone says, "Home" is their dwelling place.  The building/house/apartment where they park their car, watch television, eat meals, take naps, play games, wash dishes, say their prayers, do laundry, and...live. 

But there's also a time when home is used to mean something apart from the traditional meaning.  And that's what I'm going to share about tonight.  I was thinking about home as I was back at Hull First Reformed this morning.  I wanted to attend as it was their Education Kick-Off Sunday as well as the installation for Dan, their new Youth and Education Director.  But it wasn't a decision I took lightly.  I didn't want to show up on a day that once was associated with me to have people thinking/whispering that "oh, she's just here to check and see if it all goes right."  I didn't want to overstep my bounds.  I just wanted to attend to encourage and support Dan on this day.  So, I did.

I arrived with 7 minutes to spare - intentionally.  I didn't want to have to mingle much before hand - simply wanted to go in, sit down, and worship.  The closer I got to the doors, the more nervous I got.  I wasn't trying to be rude - I just turn that introverted - but I'd look at a few people and offer a quick smile but it was as if they had never seen me before.  So, I walked to the next open pew on the outside isle of the sanctuary.  I sat down like old times:  placed my Bible next to me, crossed my legs, opened my bulletin.  But good grief - my hands were so shaky, I couldn't hold the dumb bulletin!  It was ridiculous, really.  Anyway, things got going - announcements, call to worhip, etc. - and I started to calm down some.  The service went on as usual.

Postlude:  who can I find that will not make a big deal about anything and just talk?  Who would be the first to at least acknowledge my presence?  Again - I wasn't looking for crowds of people to swarm my direction and start kissing my feet - just some of those who became close friends and who might stick around for a hug, catch up on things, etc.  Well, except for Linda (a young lady who has special needs but does quite well for herself); Julie (whom made dinner for me afterwards); Sue (Pastor's wife); Clarice (former secretary); and Judy (a gem of a lady in her 70's).... I was fooled.  I'm not saying that every other person snubbed me, but there were some key people who I was anticipating a simple exchange of conversation with and whom I knew were there and they knew I was there... but no acknowledgement of it.  It was strange to me.  As I walked out, I knew that I wouldn't be going back unless for special occasions.  What once was my home, was no more. 

I guess I thought that I could always go back to Hull First and be able to connect.... that I could always go back home.  After all, it's really only been a little over a month since I left and my conclusion came from several people asking if I'd still attend and others telling me there's always a spot there for me, but I just wasn't feeling it.  I can't place blame on any one person nor on the whole - I certainly could have been more extroverted and waltzed in with an, "I'm herrrrrrrre!!!!!!!" style, but that's not who I am.  I felt like a visitor in a foreign land.

There are blessings from this, though, including a better understanding of my new home -- Sioux Falls Seminary is becoming that.  But above even that home is Home.  Home with my Savior, my Father, and other believers.  Home will never send me mixed signals.  Home will never leave me sitting, shaking in a pew.  Home will be where I live.  Home will be my dwelling place.  Home will be sweet Home.